And then the fence bit me in the ass…

My Hubs left Thursday evening for 10 days on a Elk hunting trip to Colorado….

I miss him when he’s gone, so I planned a TON of busy work for myself to help make the time go by faster. Yesterday I tackled the biggest job….

Painting his big ass 2 story storage building that he built last month….

I thought “It’s a shed, how hard can it be? Roll the walls, brush the trim, DONE”

I’m so dumb….

Problem Numero Uno: Opened the first can of the main color, a color I had carefully picked, comparing multiple paint chips to get the exact color to match the house only to find that it’s the wrong color. It’s way too light…..


I had gotten up at the butt-crack of dawn to start this project, so there I was at 6 in the morning with 2 gallons of paint that doesn’t match my house. I figured I had 2 options; A) wait around until Lowe’s opened at 7 and have them remix the paint, killing a good 2 hours of cool morning temperatures in the process….or, B) Live with the too light color and get to painting before it gets hot outside.

I went with option B….I justified my decision by saying “it’s just a friggin shed” and “we’re gonna repaint it in a couple years when we re-side the house anyway…”

Problem #2: Painting the side of the shed that my Hubs in his infinite wisdom built really close to the dang fence….















Two foot path and I’m three feet wide. You do the math…..


I do the sideways crab shuffle down to about the middle of the shed carrying my paint pan and roller on a 6 foot extension pole, dodging tree limbs I see this:

See that dark blurry spot in the middle? (blurry because my camera wanted to focus on the stupid leaves and not what I wanted it to)  That, my friends is a birds nest. I suffer from ornithophobia, big time. In plain English: I’m deathly afraid of birds….which if you’ve been paying attention, I’ve told y’all before…..

Anyhoo. There I am, firmly wedged between the fence and the side of the shed I’m supposed to be painting staring at my biggest fear….So I make another command decision; I’m not getting any closer, I’m gonna break every law known to the well versed painting masses: I’m painting that sucker with sideways strokes. And diagonal strokes. Whatever it takes to put paint on the thing without getting any closer than absolutely necessary to that nest…..and if I miss a spot too effin’ bad! And that’s when I turned ever so slightly and the chain link caught my shorts and bit the hell outta my butt…..better the fence than a bird….

Too late to save me from dealing with the birds nest, but in time to save me from my fear of heights came Peanut and her Mommy to the rescue!

















Yay! Cuz I had painted all I could without having to climb more than one rung up the Ladder o’ Death….

Peanut’s help came more in the form of moral support….

So while her Mommy painted the high parts, I concentrated on brushing paint into all those grooves in the siding that the roller skipped over, a detail that had me wondering “what the hell was he thinking??” Because if the shed was covered in smooth siding, we’d be done except for painting the trim…..

Brit’s boyfriend showed up and I left it up to them to fight over who was going to climb up on the ladder to paint the high parts on the back of the shed where the ground sloped down making it hard to find a stable footing for the ladder… long as it wasn’t me!

The hotter it got and the more time the task of painting took, the more I started muttering to myself “If he complains about the sloppy job, he’s sleeping out here!”

Finally, it was done. All that remained was the little bit of door trim that I had purchased a carefully matched accent color that matched our Mulberry colored front door. This was the fun part, the part I’d looked forward to as it was the only pretty color to be used on this beige and brown paint job. I carefully pried open the lid…..and what did I find????


A quart of Mother Effin’ Mauve paint because apparently the dumbass person who was working the paint counter at Lowe’s the day I bought the paint doesn’t know how to work the God forsaken color-matching-machine-thingy…..I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and skeptically painted a small swatch of it on the door hoping it would dry to the right color….

It didn’t….

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon, I’m sweaty and covered in beige and brown paint. I’m exhausted, starving and generally pissed off. Driving into town to yell and scream and get thrown in jail doesn’t sound like a rational decision on my part so I grabbed a couple bottles of red and black craft paint and started mixing it in a cup with some of the ugly mauve until I got the lovely Mulberry I was looking for….Cussing like the sailor I married all the while…..


















And so it’s done…..except for the trim on the side with the tree full of scary bird nest. Hubs can paint that himself!

I don’t care if the color matches…..Maybe we’ll make the house match the shed when we put up new siding!

Surprise Honey! I painted your shed so you don’t have to fool with it on your days off!!! Yay me! Critique my work and you can move into it….

At least that accent color matches the front door PERFECTLY….