How to keep your face from cramping while endlessingly holding a fake smile….

Alternate title II: “Surviving In-Laws”…

Alternate title III: “THE FAMILY, grin and bear them”…

Alternate title IV: “Ohhhhh F*ck. The family?? Again???”

It’s Christmastime….lotsa peeps have family members whom they’d prefer to never have to see AGAIN, ever. And they’re all forced to see them at Christmas….

As a public service, I’d like to offer up some helpful tips for enduring those we’d prefer to avoid…I googled it…

  • This tidbit was found in an article on how to appear more photogenic which I figured would be helpful since everyone tries not to have a big cheesy fake smile in pictures right?? Here’s what it said: “Look at your face in the mirror. That’s not actually the face which shows in your photograph. Now stare at your own reflection. After some time your face will reach its “normal” appearance, your “equilibrium” face. Now deactivate your eye region and activate your lip region.”….Wait. Wha??? If you understood and can actually do any of that, you are far smarter than me and clearly don’t need my advice….
  • According to “Bodybuilding 101” you should practice and build up your face muscles just like any others. They say “What happens if you don’t practice? If you do not practice your lips and eyes quiver and twitch. That’s right, they will twitch uncontrollably, and you will feel like everyone notices it. Practice will help reduce twitching.When you have held your smile for as long as possible on stage, release it to give your face a break. Then start smiling again.” So there you have it. Shoulda started doing smile workouts back around Halloween. Too late now, you’re just gonna have spasmodic twitches….
  • There’s a friggin DIET for smiling endlessly…A DIET….you can read it about it here. It’s a 21 day plan which I refuse to write about because D.I.E.T. is a 4 letter word y’all….but feel free.
  • This is an oldie but a goodie: smear vaseline on your teeth, its supposed to keep your lips from becoming dry and sticking to your teeth. I’ve personally never tried this as I just wet my whistle with a beer if my lips become parched but beauty queens swear by it….
  • According to some psych professors in Kansas, smiling aids in stress recovery. But since you’re smiling at the very people who cause your stress in the first place, I’m declaring this theory moot and ridden with bullshit.
  • Here’s my best advice, seriously: DRINK. Alcohol is the great equalizer, it either makes you super happy and all “I looooove you” or it makes you feel like you can take on ANYBODY. Either way, the Ugh-I-hate-spending-time-with-my-family-for-Christmas problem is solved because thanks to the liquor you’ll either temporarily love them or knock them unconscious, or end up in jail (away from them)…

You’re welcome….

Peanut appears a bit tipsy here, but she's actually trying to straighten her hat that Poppa pulled down over her eyes....

Peanut appears a bit tipsy here, but she’s actually just trying to straighten her hat that Poppa pulled down over her eyes. Cuz he’s a butt like that…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merry Christmas Eve!!

🙂

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