Pardon me while I spew profanities….
TO THE MUTHAF*CKER THAT STOLE MY EFFIN PURSE: You sorry little piece of sh*t, dumbass no conscience having f*ckin’ scumbag excuse for a human, ratsh*t eatin’ DOODIEHEAD, I hope you choke on a corn dog and when you’re stumbling around clutching your throat I hope a bus hits you and then a stray dog pees on your head.
Yes, I’m an idiot. I left my purse in the cart after unloading my purchases and putting the cart away like a DECENT MEMBER OF SOCIETY. I realized what I’d done and was back at the store in under 5 minutes…..
Gone. My shit was gone….
I hope the 6 bucks and change really helped you out at HOBBY LOBBY where they sell necessities that a person so broke they have to steal from others desperately needs. You can’t use my phone, or my credit/debit cards, ditto for my checkbook. Congratulations. You got yourself a really cute (used) Vera Wang bag and some old lady bifocal glasses….
I on the other hand now get the extreme joy of going to the DMV for a new drivers license, having no way to purchase gas or anything else I need until the new cards arrive since I had to cancel all the others. I had a SUPER fun time paying $200 bucks for a new friggin phone after just getting the old one in May. I get to write to all the credit reporting agencies and report your little escapade in case you try to become ME (cuz everyone wants to)….Oh, and I’m ecstatically happy to have the opportunity to learn how use the new damn phone, just figured out the old one so THANKS for that….
YIPPEE FRIGGIN SKIPPY….