How long does a sugar coma last anyway?

Here is my Hubs M.O. on Halloween night:

Turn the porch light on and eagerly await the arrival of the Trick or Treaters…

After the first hour begin carefully inventorying the candy bowl….

Shut off porch light and lock the door when he deems the candy bowl woefully low on chocolate confections….

Eat the remaining 3 lbs of candy himself….

The End.

Tonight he is actually going to be a Trick or Treater. Well, actually he’ll be the accessory to the Trick or Treater, Avery is dressing in full camo complete with orange vest and carrying a bow (sans arrows) and Poppa is dressing as her trophy deer! I have no doubt he will promptly cut off all candy giving here at our house as soon as he gets back from taking her around the block….

Cuz he’s 3….Ok 5.


Or my Husband….same thing.
















Happy Halloweenie Peeps!


A.A.R.P….what it really stands for

I’m 50.

A.A.R.P. sent me a Congratulatory letter.

And a promise of a free travel bag for joining.

That’s just mean…

I retired 15 years before I’m eligible to get paid for it which means I’m broke and have no money for travel….






However, I did join. They promised me cheaper rates on Major Medical. After paying my $16 bucks I went online to check out their health-care plans….guess what? They don’t offer any in my state.

So I’m stuck with a plan that refuses to pay for anything spine related (the only thing I really need coverage for at the moment) for which I pay $232 smackaroo’s a month. We only have 2 carriers in our area providing independent coverage, BCBSย  is other one and they sent me a lovely rejection letter when I applied saying “Thanks but no thanks”…



Asshats Arbitrarily Repealing Promises.

Abominable Agitators ofย  Retired Penny-pinchers.

Always Available to Really Perturb.

Abundant Asses Ready to Pester

I could go on for days….

But I won’t.

I’m gonna sit here and wait for my travel bag to arrive in the mail. Then I’m gonna re-purpose it as the Amazing All-purpose Receptacle of Poop for the next time the dog crap needs to be picked up in my yard….

Because I can…


Our Baby Likes Balloons….

Peanut’s 1st birthday is a week from today, so y’all might as well know that you’re not getting much outta me for the next week that isn’t baby related!

Case in point:

The official birthday portraits.

Taken by yours truly….

Wearing her Birthday outfit….

Made by yours truly….


I won’t subject you to the full PreciousFest that occurred yesterday when I took these for a couple of reasons; A) I took 350 pictures. 350 PICTURES. B) I took 350 pictures….I don’t even want to think about how long it would take me to upload that many but suffice it to say all our lives would be shortened by several hours (days)….

You’re welcome.

I will however share my favs….



























































































And then she went swimming in Gram’s big tub!
















Pumpkins, Picasso and bubble pizza….

Tonight was Pumpkin decorating night!

Avery was a FAN…

My contribution (besides moral support and photography) was bringing dinner. I was SUPPOSED to make calzones but I’m fighting off a cold and just couldn’t face rolling out all that dough so I opted for Bubble pizza instead. No one complained (mostly cuz they know better). Peanut liked it so that’s all that matters anyway!

Here’s the quick and easy recipe:

  • 2 cups Bisquick
  • 3/4 cup water
  • a bunch of mozzerella
  • a jar of pizza sauce
  • pizza toppings of choice

Mix Bisquick and water in a big bowl, drop 1/2 of it by spoonfuls into a greased 9×13 pan (it won’t completely cover the bottom of the pan. It’s ok). Drizzle with 1/2 the sauce, layer on 1/2 the toppings. Repeat with the other half of everything. Bake for 20 minutes at 350. You’re Welcome!

Guess what else get’s my GrandBaby’s approval??

Finger paint….

“I have no idea what this thing is, but I like it!”














“I like it so much I give it kisses…”













“Oooooh what’s THAT??”









“Mommy? Am I doin’ it right?”



















“I am an Arteeest, O0h La La”










“Dis punkin is my canvas….”










“It is so hard to create under such scrutiny”










“I have made ART!”

















“And it tastes bad…”














“I give you….MASTERPIECE #1”

















And my greatest Masterpiece of all:


Picasso’s got nothin’ on Avery!


Fear, thy name is Stalker….

I can’t determine if she’s obsessed with my Hubs because he struck up a conversation with her Sunday morning, or if she stalks us out for revenge but either way she’s a problem…

Let me explain….

I first saw her creeping around my front yard a couple of months ago, she ran as soon as she saw me. (Chef Vivi can verify this first siting) She’s shown herself periodically over the subsequent weeks but now the frequency of her appearances is increasing dramatically; always early in the morning, always alone, always flees when discovered. She’s becoming more daring….more persistent….ever more terrifying.

No one else ever witnessed her unusual behavior until this last Sunday. In her increasingly bold ventures into my life, she revealed herself to my Hubs and he, being the friendly unsuspecting man that he is, made direct contact, drawing her in closer and closer with his charming banter and beguiling ways….

Today she reappeared. Bolder and less cautious than ever before. Openly calling with plaintive cries for my Hubs to come outside and join her, encroaching with an abandon never shown before….

I was afraid, and yet mesmerized by the longing in her voice. Was it Him that she wanted, or just the comfort of another willing to share a warm place and shelter her from the cold dreary drizzle of the morning? She paced the perimeters of my property, calling, calling, calling out in loneliness and despair….OR WAS IT???

At times her calls took on a defiant tone, she began openly gazing at me with undeniable menace. Her pacing ranged from a slow meandering to rapid aggression and back again as if she was experiencing a gamut of emotions.

And then, as if in defeat, she wandered away casting backward glances at me that seemed to say “You haven’t seen the last of me.”…

I shivered not from the cold dampness in the air but from an unshakable feeling of fear and apprehension….

Why is she here?? I can only think of 2 possible reasons; She covets and wishes to woo my Husband away from me, or her intentions are far more sinister. Does she possibly know what we harbor within the confines of our cozy home?? Is revenge her motivator??

You see, my Husband has committed murder.

I can no longer hide his actions. He kills. He kills for the sport as well as sustenance. This could well be the reason for the terrifying stalking of my home by this creature. Perhaps on one of his killing spree’s my Hubs has taken her family, her one and only, her soul mate from her. Grief and revenge can drive the most docile of us mad….

Is this why she haunts me with her constant vigilance?? The evidence is here in plain sight, prominently and proudly displayed. The proof that could be the horror and devastation that drives her:

















Could one of these be the ass-end of her Beloved??? Or worse, her Son???

I shudder to think of the torturous revenge she’s planning….Look at her. Look at the face that haunts my nightmares and fills my soul with despair:

She shows no fear, no hesitation….

I can only conclude that she’s checking the security and strength of my fortress….

Constantly scoping the perimeter, searching for a way IN.

That sidelong glance my way, is it a longing for my help or my doom??

Do you see how she paces back and forth with no regard to the possible danger she puts herself in?? It’s like she doesn’t care anymore….

I shudder to think of the many ways she could torture and prolong my agonizing demise….

If I turn up dead, mangled by beak and talon, I pray that you never forget how much I love and adore you all but more importantly Y’ALL FIND THIS BITCH AND ROAST HER ASS FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER.