How long can you hold out an olive branch?
I can hear it now….”Don’t do anything to be sorry for in the first place”….which is well and good but sometimes words or actions are misconstrued. Or sometimes in defending yourself you counter attack which only exacerbates the problem. Not making excuses, just stating the obvious; you can’t always avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I’ve hurt people, and I’ve also been hurt. I’d like to think I’d be a big enough person to accept the olive branch when extended….
This is still part of the “letting go” process for me. I don’t like the idea of anyone I care about being mad at me, and even if I choose to not actively include them in my life, if they’re family, I still care and I’ll still attempt to make amends….
Having said all this, I’m not a fan of “piggy-back” anger (you’re mad at me not because I did something to you personally but instead because other people who’s acceptance you need are mad at me). But still, when it’s family I’ll suck it up and hold out the branch.
I wrote about how I felt, that was my reaction to the actions of others. I wrote honestly and from the heart. I struggled with myself over the decision to do so, I wavered for days and in the end I did it with the hope that maybe, just maybe, it would strike a cord in the hearts of those who’d hurt me and they’d say to themselves “Whoa, I had no idea I’d hurt her feelings. My bad.” That’s not how the story unfolded….
I’ve been shunned apparently.
My motivation NOW is quite simply PEACE. In my journey to live a happier, more positive life, reaching out to those I’ve hurt and been hurt by was something I felt compelled to do. I can’t make someone listen, or accept an apology if their hearts and minds are closed. In the end they’ll either accept it or not and that choice is out of my hands. But still, I’m saddened when the concept to forgive and forget and to start over with a fresh perspective of each other doesn’t come to fruition….
I’ve done all I can think of to do. My conscience is clear and that gives me comfort. I’m sad to think the rest of the family may be negatively affected but if we’re ever in the same room again I know that we can smile and act civil and pretend it’s all OK for one day.