I meant to post this earlier today, but I slept in….
My most popular post ever is 57 things I hate about Mondays. I wrote it in about 15 minutes early one Monday morning when I was particularly unhappy about having to go be productive, on a day when I could have joyfully slept in for at least another 2 hours…
But here’s the thing:
Monday’s don’t bother me anymore, they’re just another day. Which is weird in a way because while I don’t go to bed on Sunday nights dreading with all of my heart the dawning of the coming day, I also no longer have that wonderful feeling of elation that hits every working person on the planet about 5 o’clock on Friday! Sometimes I don’t even realize it’s Friday….
It’s crazy but I kinda miss the Friday afternoon feeling of freedom….
I do not, however miss Mondays, so here’s my new, improved Monday list:
57 Reasons Why I No Longer Give a Crap About Mondays
- I don’t have to get up.
- I don’t have to get dressed.
- I don’t have to retrain my weekend brain to NOT clock the annoying ex-coworker in the noggin with my stapler when she’s being a raging Bitch first effin’ thing when I walk in the door.
- I don’t have to walk in the door.
- I don’t have to hunt for a parking space.
- I don’t have to politely inquire how everyone’s weekend was, pretending to listen when all my brain is hearing is “wha wha whawahwah, I really need more coffee. Did I put a bra on today? Yes? OK, good. I don’t want to be here. Wonder what Peanut’s doing? Is is bad to wish I could have popcorn for breakfast? Did I get anything out of the freezer for dinner? It’s cloudy, did I leave my car window cracked? Crack…. Crack. I don’t get crack, it makes people eat other peoples faces off. *yawn* What time is it? 7:58. Crap.”
- I don’t have to be productive. I sometimes purposely plan to do absolutely NOTHING on Monday’s just to be defiant….
- Mondays feel like Sundays. Or Saturdays. Or Thursdays.
- I don’t have to do all the crap I left undone on Friday cuz I was just too lazy to do it.
- I don’t have 35 emails to catch up on.
- I don’t have to answer the phone and be nice to the grumpy ass people who’s Monday is off to a really bad start.
- I don’t have to look at my watch 3,564,565 times during the day and get depressed when only 3 minutes have passed since the last time I looked at it.
- I don’t have to wear a watch.
- Traffic: I’m not in it.
- I don’t have to avoid poking any Bears. My house is Bear Free!
- I don’t have to dread Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.
- I don’t have to do my hair. Even though it’s short and only takes 5 minutes, I don’t have to do it. If I want, all I have to do is avoid looking in the mirror and acknowledging the fact that it closely resembles Chuckie’s hair.
- I don’t have to figure out what the f*ck I’m going to have for lunch because I left mine sitting on the kitchen counter.
- I don’t have to try and find a place to park that’s within a mile of the office AGAIN because I had to give up my primo parking spot to go get lunch.
- I don’t have to scrape snow off my windshield in the winter.
- I don’t have to scorch my tushy on my 1000 degree leather seats when I get in the car in the summer.
- I don’t have to walk a mile in the rain without an umbrella to my car (because I left it in the car) at 5 o’clock.
- I don’t have to go out in the rain. PERIOD.
- I don’t have to wonder if that homeless guy over there is stalking me while I make the mile long trek to my car.
- I don’t have to wonder if the 3 year old can of pepper spray on my key chain is still any good in case that homeless guy is stalking me.
- I don’t have to worry about shooting myself in the face with pepper spray because my aim is atrocious when in imminent danger of a stalker attack…
In the original post I could only come up with 24 reasons to hate Monday so apparently I love it more than I hated it! And now, I have a date with my coffee cup and a “Real Housewives of Timbuktu” marathon on Bravo! Don’t hate me….
I’m kidding…I actually plan to attack those weeds still in my front flower bed this morning before the temp reaches 100 degrees outside. UPDATE: This didn’t happen because of the sleeping in thing….
(I wasn’t kidding about the Real Housewives part, it’s horrible, mindless TV that is like watching a train wreck. I can’t help myself, it’s like crack….except without the wanting to eat anyone’s face off part….)
Enjoy your Monday!