I am superstitious.
I don’t walk under ladders.
I avoid black cats like the plague, crossing my path or otherwise.
I cry if I break a mirror
The Evil Eye. That shits real.
Friday the 13th is a BAD day and one should never leave the house, so if you are fortunate enough to stay home follow these simple but life saving rules:
HOW TO NOT DIE IN YOUR OWN HOME ON FRIDAY THE 13TH
- NEVER answer the door, and for the love of God LOCK THE DOOR.
- Also the windows.
- Don’t answer the phone.
- Stay away from all electrical outlets and don’t turn on the TV.
- Don’t use the stove or the microwave.
- STAY OUT OF THE DAMN SHOWER….
- Avoid stairs.
- Avoid walking.
- If you must walk, scan the area in front of you for items you might trip over.
- Turn on EVERY light in the house.
If you must go out, here’s a set of rules for you:
HOW TO AVOID DYING IN PUBLIC ON FRIDAY THE 13TH
- Don’t drive.
- Don’t walk. (see what I did there? I’m really trying to get you to stay the hell home)
- Avoid eye contact with everyone. Even those you THINK you know. (ZOMBIES)
- Don’t eat. Choking is a bad way to die.
- Do not set any liquid beverages on your desk that you might spill, therefore causing death by electrocution when that Diet Coke you JUST HAD TO HAVE seeps into the electrical outlet. Diet Coke is bad for you anyway…
- Once in the office, don’t leave. (better the Zombies you know)
Ok, I know the list for staying at home is longer than the list for being stupid and leaving the house but as I don’t work anymore I can’t think of any more work related stuff….It’s not because I care more about the Stay At Home Peeps. I SWEAR.
My Hubs went to work today, left and came back 5 minutes later because he’s forgotten his phone….See??? Shoulda stayed home.
Having given all these helpful lifesaving tips, guess what I’m doing?
LEAVING MY DAMN HOUSE THIS MORNING. Because Safeway has a 32 oz hunk of cheese on sale for 5 bucks…..
I’m going to die for discount cheese…..