I need a vacation from retirement…

WE’RE GOING ON VACATION!!! Yippee!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And after this day, I kinda need one….

It started yesterday, I went to the Mall (y’all know how I feel about that place) to get the Hubs some new clothes for our trip to Washington. Apparently, every man in Rapid City also needed new cargo shorts and all in the same size and color my Hubs wears because the pickin’s were slim….but I persevered and found him 3 new pairs (all in various shades of khaki, which didn’t make me too happy but I took what I could get) and 3 new t-shirts…..

And then he got home and tried them on….

Today, I took 2 pairs of shorts and all 3 shirts back….

Which means I had to go to the mall AGAIN (y’all know how I feel about THAT PLACE)…so now he’s got shorts in khaki, mud brown and country blue (he’s never owned mud brown or country blue shorts in his life) and he’s wearing them as I’ve already washed them so NO TAKING THEM BACK AGAIN! He also has 3 different new t-shirts which he will also wear and like (same reason).

I ain’t going back to the Mall again….

Also on trip to town #2, I got dog food, road trip snack food, an umbrella (helloooo…Seattle. duh.) and a birthday gift for Kolton-Joe, all of which I forgot on trip to town #1 yesterday….but as an added bonus Hubs called me while I was in Target to ask if I could run home and get him a work uniform as apparently a diesel fuel pump (or something, I don’t know, a car part of some kind) puked on him and he didn’t want to spend the day covered in diesel fuel….(picky picky)…Actually I agreed to be his “beck and call” girl when I retired so he had me on a technicality. So I went home, got said uniform, went back to town to drop it off to him and then finished my errands….

Along with my errands, I have a lengthy list of stuff to get done before we leave…and now a half day less to get them accomplished. Yes I’ve been home all week, but I’ve been busy holding down my comfy chair and keeping up with the other Real Housewives and baking cookies…oh the pressure…

Some days I just wear a Moomoo dress….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I could have gotten things done much more efficiently without the help of my dog….he decided to shorten my list of things to pack by eating some things I had laid out….like my iPod charger cord.

Little Bastard….

Another thing I could have done without? Washing a can of Hubs Copenhagen along with his laundry, necessitating the need to clean out the washing machine, a chore that seems completely and utterly redundant to me. Shouldn’t the sucker be self cleaning???Also had to rewash said laundry….TWICE to remove all the stupid little pieces of tobacco stubbornly clinging to everything. Tobacco in any form is just nasty and pain in my arse….I still need to clean the house because I despise leaving for vacation without the house being immaculate. Do not ask me why….and I gotta get it done PDQ so I’ll have time to go Babynap Avery so we can play and I can get stocked up on slobbery little kisses before I have to go 10 DAYS WITHOUT SEEING HER!!

10 days without this face??? I’ll never make it…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See??? I need a vacation from my job as Domestic Engineer….

Oh! Want to know what I learned from the All Male Stripper show??? I learned that male strippers are not in the LEAST punctual….and I hate being made to wait. When you get your little Dick Show started an hour and 20 minutes late, you get zilch from this old lady as a tip…no matter how much you shake it. And another thing….the penis is without a doubt the ugliest body part on a man. We’re not there to see it, we want gleaming pecs, washboard abs and a tushy carved out of concrete and most of all we want to see you dance Dammit…so learn the friggin‘ routines Dummy…CAPICE??

Laugh, but at least they could dance….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had much more fun admiring the Hottie McHotHots in “The Avengers” for the 2nd time with my Hubs the other night even though it was literally hot in the the theater and I was sweating like a whore in church….

So we’re off to see the Kiddo’s at the butt crack of dawn Friday morning, and I have no doubt I’ll end up buying a toothbrush or underwear or something when I get there…no matter how many lists I make I still end up forgetting something because I forgot to put it on a dang list….

See y’all when I get home in August!

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Wow! What a year…

 

 

 

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAM-CRACKER.COM!

Yeppers, it’s been a year since I posted my first story on the blog. A year…holy crap weasel!

My first post was The Dog Blog. I just re-read it and I can see a difference in my writing style, can you? I think the biggest difference is I’m just more comfortable writing now. I over analyze less (which is good) and I proofread less (which is bad) and I’m pretty sure both of those are the direct result of laziness…:)

Soooo much has happened in this year of blogging; got all dressed up for a wedding….

I was trying to be all Sexy, but I just look drunk and confused.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Had a Grandbaby…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Made a full circle with the employment issue; anyone remember when my original “About Me” page said I was contemplating retirement?? Talked myself out of it, got injured and talked myself back into it….That page as changed numerous times!

In this first year I discovered the wonders of getting stabbity with the blog. Gotย sappy, got deep and philosophical, got silly.

I learned that as much as I love to cook, blogging about cooking is not for me.

I’ve made wonderful new friends, reconnected with some beloved family members…

andย alienated others. ย  It’s been a busy year…

I’ve used my blog as a sounding board, a soapbox, therapy and advertising. I’ve loved it, and at time felt obligated to it when I didn’t want to be (hence going from a daily post to 3 posts a week or so).

I renewed my domain name for another year….wonder what the Blog’s second year will bring?? Hmmmm…..

I should have baked the Blog a cake, but it’s too hot to heat up the house plus I’m lazy today….I will however have all the girls drink a toast to Gram-Cracker.com’s birthday tonight while we’re all that the strip club watching boys get next to nakey! Seriously….going to an “Magic Mike” wannabe male stripper show tonight. I totally blame it on Jackie-May. Bambi Lou first suggested going, but Jackie-May brought the plan to fruition…

I hope I don’t get stripper glitter in my eye….

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Holy Cow, I’m in business!

I made my very first sale in my Etsy Shop yesterday! My very first unsolicited sale to a stranger who’s not buying from me because she knows me!

WHOOT!

And I made a whopping $4.00 profit too….

Full time job?? Who needs it???

I is crafty….

What did I sell? Coasters…

For $10.00 bucks, which included the shipping of $5 and cost me about a buck to make. So I promptly made and listed a new set!

All different, cuz I couldn’t decide which paper I liked best!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But they go together in a girly way, and no one will have to worry about the kids getting them dirty cuz I already did that for you ON PURPOSE! You’re welcome!

Also made these this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas ornaments! Because I saw a picture on Pinterest months ago and found these old wood spools in one of my sewing boxes the other day and I was bored!

So I listed them in the shop too, cuz it’s never too early to buy Christmas ornaments right??

RIGHT!

So, here’s my financial breakdown for the shop so far:

  • Listing fees: $4.20 (which run for 3 months at .20 cents per listing)
  • Business cards and address labels: $45.00 (which at this rate I’ll NEVER have to re-order)
  • Sales: $10.00, for a profit of $4.00
  • My shop has cost me $45.20 so far….

I’m going with the old adage “You have to spend money to make money”…Said by some old fart with a JOB to support his new shop which costs more than it makes…

To which I say “THANK YOU HONEY!!” for supporting me and my shop!

Tonight our Peanut is spending the night with us so that tomorrow she and I can leave the house really early to go check out an outdoor art exhibit in Spearfish with a friend, going early to try and beat the triple digit heat wave we’re having. While it got off to a slow start, this is without a doubt the hottest summer we’ve had in the 7 years we’ve lived in South Dakota. I’m not a fan…

A week from today we’ll be heading to Washington State to see the kiddos!

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Poppa, Poppa, Poppa

Me: Avery, say Grammy!

Avery: Lalalalallala

Me: Grammmmmmmmy!

Avery: Babababababababa!

Me: GRRRRAAMMMMMMMYYYYYY!

Avery: Mamamamammmaaaa.

Me:

Avery: Lalalalalalala!

Hubs: Say Poppa.

Avery: Pop pa!

Hubs: She said it! *eyes tearing up* WHOOT!

Avery: Popapapapapapapa

Avery: Pop pop pop!

Me: Grammy?

Avery: Poppapoppapoppa.

Me: Gram?

Avery: Jjaja.

Me: GaaaaRammmmy.

Avery:

Me:

Avery: Pop pa pa.

Me: Oy.

Avery: Oyoyoyoyoy.

Close enough!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who can argue with that smile??

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57 Things I LOVE about Mondays…

I meant to post this earlier today, but I slept in….

My most popular post ever is 57 things I hate about Mondays. I wrote it in about 15 minutes early one Monday morning when I was particularly unhappy about having to go be productive, on a day when I could have joyfully slept in for at least another 2 hours…

But here’s the thing:

Monday’s don’t bother me anymore, they’re just another day. Which is weird in a way because while I don’t go to bed on Sunday nights dreading with all of my heart the dawning of the coming day, I also no longer have that wonderful feeling of elation that hits every working person on the planet about 5 o’clock on Friday! Sometimes I don’t even realize it’s Friday….

It’s crazy but I kinda miss the Friday afternoon feeling of freedom….

I do not, however miss Mondays, so here’s my new, improved Monday list:

57 Reasons Why I No Longer Give a Crap About Mondays

  1. I don’t have to get up.
  2. I don’t have to get dressed.
  3. I don’t have to retrain my weekend brain to NOT clock the annoying ex-coworker in the noggin with my stapler when she’s being a raging Bitch first effin’ thing when I walk in the door.
  4. I don’t have to walk in the door.
  5. I don’t have to hunt for a parking space.
  6. I don’t have to politely inquire how everyone’s weekend was, pretending to listen when all my brain is hearing is “wha wha whawahwah, I really need more coffee. Did I put a bra on today? Yes? OK, good. I don’t want to be here. Wonder what Peanut’s doing? Is is bad to wish I could have popcorn for breakfast? Did I get anything out of the freezer for dinner? It’s cloudy, did I leave my car window cracked? Crack…. Crack. I don’t get crack, it makes people eat other peoples faces off. *yawn* What time is it? 7:58. Crap.”
  7. I don’t have to be productive. I sometimes purposely plan to do absolutely NOTHING on Monday’s just to be defiant….
  8. Mondays feel like Sundays. Or Saturdays. Or Thursdays.
  9. I don’t have to do all the crap I left undone on Friday cuz I was just too lazy to do it.
  10. I don’t have 35 emails to catch up on.
  11. I don’t have to answer the phone and be nice to the grumpy ass people who’s Monday is off to a really bad start.
  12. I don’t have to look at my watch 3,564,565 times during the day and get depressed when only 3 minutes have passed since the last time I looked at it.
  13. I don’t have to wear a watch.
  14. Traffic: I’m not in it.
  15. I don’t have to avoid poking any Bears. My house is Bear Free!
  16. I don’t have to dread Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday.
  17. I don’t have to do my hair. Even though it’s short and only takes 5 minutes, I don’t have to do it. If I want, all I have to do is avoid looking in the mirror and acknowledging the fact that it closely resembles Chuckie’s hair.

    Chuckie from “The Rugrats”, not that creepy ass killer doll…

  18. I don’t have to figure out what the f*ck I’m going to have for lunch because I left mine sitting on the kitchen counter.
  19. I don’t have to try and find a place to park that’s within a mile of the office AGAIN because I had to give up my primo parking spot to go get lunch.
  20. I don’t have to scrape snow off my windshield in the winter.
  21. I don’t have to scorch my tushy on my 1000 degree leather seats when I get in the car in the summer.
  22. I don’t have to walk a mile in the rain without an umbrella to my car (because I left it in the car) at 5 o’clock.
  23. I don’t have to go out in the rain. PERIOD.
  24. I don’t have to wonder if that homeless guy over there is stalking me while I make the mile long trek to my car.
  25. I don’t have to wonder if the 3 year old can of pepper spray on my key chain is still any good in case that homeless guy is stalking me.
  26. I don’t have to worry about shooting myself in the face with pepper spray because my aim is atrocious when in imminent danger of a stalker attack…

In the original post I could only come up with 24 reasons to hate Monday so apparently I love it more than I hated it!ย  And now, I have a date with my coffee cup and a “Real Housewives of Timbuktu” marathon on Bravo! Don’t hate me….

I’m kidding…I actually plan to attack those weeds still in my front flower bed this morning before the temp reaches 100 degrees outside. UPDATE: This didn’t happen because of the sleeping in thing….

(I wasn’t kidding about the Real Housewives part, it’s horrible, mindless TV that is like watching a train wreck. I can’t help myself, it’s like crack….except without the wanting to eat anyone’s face off part….)

Enjoy your Monday!

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