I’ve recently discovered another fun little side effect of Middle Age: RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME. Except I have it in my arms too….’cuz I’m an f*cking overachiever.
Unfamiliar with RLS? Let me educate you…it’s a combination of a sleep disorder and nervous system disorder that causes weird sensations in the legs (and arms) and an irresistible urge to move to relieve said sensations. It makes your ass twitchy. Like a crack ho’….
It’s 1 in the frickin’ morning and I should be sleeping as my alarm will squawk at me in about 4 1/2 hours but I’m not. I’m twitchy. I’m twitchy and I have the creepy crawlies. I’m twitchy and I have the creepy crawlies and I can’t be still. Can’t. C.A.N.N.O.T.
And it’s pissin’ me off….
Isn’t it enough that being a woman of a certain age I have to deal with mood swings,
power surges hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain and the occasional unstoppable need to fart?? I gotta be a twitchy crack ho too???
It ain’t right….
But right or not, regardless of how unjustified the situation, here I am up in the middle of the night doing jumping jacks and yoga. Seriously. Jumping Jacks. ‘Cuz Web-effin’-MD says stretching may make the twitching stop. And I’m desperate. So I’m jumpin’….
Stoooopid Middle Age bullshit. The only good thing about RLS is that men get it too. Which only makes me feel slightly better….
Pirates do too. But in them it’s called Restless Peg Syndrome.
Sleep deprivation. It’s where corny jokes are born.