And this is why I don’t grow pot for a living….

I cook.

I enjoy it and I’m pretty good at it….and as a pretty good cook, I like to use fresh herbs. Have you bought fresh herbs in South Dakota lately?? $3 bucks for a little package of them, half of which goes bad before I can use it. I hate paying $3 bucks for a package of herbs when I only need a few leaves for a recipe….

So I try growing my own. Repeatedly….

And I fail miserably. Repeatedly….

I can grow houseplants fairly well, I can usually keep one around for a few years. The last one I killed was the big honkin’ schefflera that I transported all the way from Florida when we moved here and managed to not murderize it. It thrived under my care for about 8 years but it died slowly from neglect in my basement after I moved it down there to make room for baby stuff upstairs ‘cuz ya know, I’m an out-of-sight-out-of-mind kinda girl so……

Point being the thing lived for many, many years in my house…..I can’t keep a pot of f*ckin’ herbs alive for a month….

Wtf yo’???

Remember these from a couple months back??








Well here’s what the ungrateful little asshats look like today:














Again I say wtf???

It’s like they hug their little plant family goodbye when they see me reaching for them in the store and don their little plant kamikaze helmets and prepare for their imminent self-inflicted deaths….

I love them, why do they hate me so??? *sniff*

Oh! And my lovely hanging succulent garden?? Remember that?? It didn’t commit suicide, nooooooooo……parts of it were flat out murdered. Viciously, savagely murdered….















By the dog.

Some of the fishing line that holds the dirt/moss in had come loose and so I took the garden off the wall it hangs on and left it sitting on an end table for a few days while I ignored it’s need for restringing and apparently the high dollar dog food we feed him everyday just wasn’t enough because the twatwaddle ate a bunch of my precious little plants! He was busted when I found one of their partially eaten little corpses laying on the carpet…

See??? What was lush and full is now pitiful and sparse…..big furry bastard owes me about $10 bucks, those succulents aren’t cheap…

So. Back to my herb dilemma….who’s going to grow them for me? Volunteers?? Anyone??

Iz needz herbages….



5 thoughts on “And this is why I don’t grow pot for a living….

  1. You can have some of mine!!!! I can manage to keep them alive for a while…….except basil. I don’t wanna talk about the basil….

  2. I’d grow them for you, but Berra would eat them, so I’m kinda screwed until she’s out of this eating-everything-including-mommy’s-shoes-stage. What the hell is up with dogs eating plants anyway?? They can’t be tasty? I mean herbs are, but PLANTS? Grass?

  3. Not only do I kill every plant that has any contact with me, I killed an artificial plant once. I don’t think I shall attempt herbs for you.

    Although, since growing pot is illegal, I could probably grow it just fine because then I’d get turned in, by the pot, and arrested, and the pot would be all LMPAO (laughing my plant ass off). Which would be really mean.

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