And just like that….she’s gone.

Tonight, while her Mommy was at work I rocked Avery to sleep in her room. And it occurred to me that it was the last time I would do that while she lived with me. And I cried.

Avery and her Mommy have found a place of their own….

I knew this was inevitable, but my heart is still ridiculously ill prepared. Hubs and I have talked about it, wishing for the day that her Mommy would be able to get back on her feet and we could A) have our house back and B) see the look of excitement on Avery’s face when she got to come visit us, because going to visit Grammy and Poppa is supposed to be a treat not where you live every day. We were so dumb…..

I don’t want her to move. She’s never lived anywhere but here and I’d just asoon it stay that way….even though I know it can’t. Even though I know I’ll stop missing her so much after a couple of weeks and I’ll enjoy having her come visit. But now? Right now, this moment? My heart is breaking…

So I took my time rocking her….long after she finished her bottle, long after she gave in to sleep and tucked her little face in closer to me, her beautiful chubby little hand resting on my chest. Over my heart…I rocked. And held her tight….

As I watched her sleep, her little face completely relaxed, I thought about all the things I could do with her room once it was my craft room again, things I had never gotten around to doing before it became filled with baby books, stuffed animals, butterflies and dragonflies and bright paper flowers, drawers full of tiny little socks, the closet full of sweet little clothes on teensy hangers, the air filled with the smell of lavender scented baby lotion.

That’s when I knew; no matter what I filled with room with, no matter when it’s bulging with craft supplies once again, it will always and forever be Avery’s room. And we will make beautiful things and silly things and read stories in that room. We will color and paint and mold and sew and create magic in that room. We will bond and laugh and snuggle and love each other in that room.

In Avery’s room…

🙂

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11 thoughts on “And just like that….she’s gone.

  1. Ahhhhh….beautifully written, Lori! Lilah & Londyn start daycare next week, and I am really bummed, too! I always knew this day would come when my daughter started working, but I’m still bummed…
    I am thrilled that I will be keeping Londyn every Monday, just to save on a liitle on the costs. I love the fact that I will have her all to myself one day each week! I can’t wait!
    I am so worried about these two little girls being away from their mommy for the first time and how they will adjust to it. I’m worried about them spending their days with people who are not family. Will they be happy? Will they be treated right? Will they always be safe? So many worries…
    I have to remind myself that my granddaughters are two very lucky little girls to have been able to stay home with their mommy for so long. Londyn will turn one on Tuesday, and Lilah will be three in May. I’m so glad Danielle was able to spend so much time with them before she started working.
    I also have to remind myself that my daughter went to college for seven years to earn her law degree, and now it’s time for her to actually start working as a lawyer! I’m so very proud of her!
    I just keep repeating these things over and over again to myself, yet I still worry. I just want the girls to be happy and safe!
    So many changes ahead for our little granddaughters, their mommies, and us – the grandmas…
    Thanks for giving me a place to express my feelings!!! 🙂
    Libby

    • Expressing feelings is the whole purpose of Gram-cracker.com, for me as well as for my peeps so glad you feel comfortable enough to share! Ahhhh these kids….we love ’em so much it drives us crazy sometimes doesn’t it??

    • I’m going to be ok Jo. I have to be….And, I have my Avery with me as we speak while her Mommy is at work so life is good today. Her grin when I took her out of her car seat made my day! However, I still can’t go into her empty room yet. Maybe tomorrow…

  2. I can only imagine how difficult it will be not having your precious Avery every day. The consolation you do have is that you and Poppa will always be her “special treats” when she comes over, which I’m sure will be often. It warms my heart so much, Lori, to know that you are involved in your granddaughter’s life and also WANT to be. She is a very lucky little angel.

    I can’t wait to see all the beautiful things that are created in Avery’s room, but it will be the memories that will be the most wondrous.

    ((Hugs))

  3. This made me all teary on your behalf Lori. I’m glad they aren’t far away and that visiting you will become a treat for Avery (and you!). I agree with Pam that I can’t wait to see what special things come out of Avery’s room and her time with you there – so much to look forward to! Also, from a slightly different perspective, if this is redundant just ignore it – be proud of the daughter you raised. She’s able to get out on her own and make a home with her own daughter because of the woman you helped her grow into. Ya done good!

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