Tonight, while her Mommy was at work I rocked Avery to sleep in her room. And it occurred to me that it was the last time I would do that while she lived with me. And I cried.
Avery and her Mommy have found a place of their own….
I knew this was inevitable, but my heart is still ridiculously ill prepared. Hubs and I have talked about it, wishing for the day that her Mommy would be able to get back on her feet and we could A) have our house back and B) see the look of excitement on Avery’s face when she got to come visit us, because going to visit Grammy and Poppa is supposed to be a treat not where you live every day. We were so dumb…..
I don’t want her to move. She’s never lived anywhere but here and I’d just asoon it stay that way….even though I know it can’t. Even though I know I’ll stop missing her so much after a couple of weeks and I’ll enjoy having her come visit. But now? Right now, this moment? My heart is breaking…
So I took my time rocking her….long after she finished her bottle, long after she gave in to sleep and tucked her little face in closer to me, her beautiful chubby little hand resting on my chest. Over my heart…I rocked. And held her tight….
As I watched her sleep, her little face completely relaxed, I thought about all the things I could do with her room once it was my craft room again, things I had never gotten around to doing before it became filled with baby books, stuffed animals, butterflies and dragonflies and bright paper flowers, drawers full of tiny little socks, the closet full of sweet little clothes on teensy hangers, the air filled with the smell of lavender scented baby lotion.
That’s when I knew; no matter what I filled with room with, no matter when it’s bulging with craft supplies once again, it will always and forever be Avery’s room. And we will make beautiful things and silly things and read stories in that room. We will color and paint and mold and sew and create magic in that room. We will bond and laugh and snuggle and love each other in that room.
In Avery’s room…