A letter to my Daughter

You think I’m too judgemental. And I am. 

You think I’m too pushy and opinionated.  And I am.

You think your life would be easier if I would butt out.  It wouldn’t. 

You want me to smile, nod my head and keep quiet. I won’t. 

And here’s why….

Because I love you. 

Being judgemental, critical, pushy, opinionated, loud and in your business is part of being your Mom as it’s the only way I know how to Mother. It’s the way I’ve been your entire life and although some would say I did a lousy job, I’ve done the best I knew how. You didn’t come with instructions…

I’m sorry you didn’t get the kind of Mom who can just be quietly supportive, allowing you to make your own mistakes without trying to intervene. The kind that sighs with frustration rather than yell, the kind that patiently waits for you to discover the error of your young ways without trying to save you from a few errors because she’s been where you are and has already learned the lesson you haven’t learned yet.

But here’s the deal, I didn’t get the kind of Daughter that can learn from others mistakes without having to make them herself. The kind that will respectfully listen to reason and make a decision based on many factors rather than only impulse. The kind that has never, would never, look her parents in the eye and lie to them.

So we’re both far from the ideal and stuck with each other as we are. The only thing we can do now is to learn to accept each other, faults and all. I’m honestly not sure I have many more rescues left in me when you walk defiantly and purposefully into disaster with complete disregard for common sense because you want to. If I could change anything about you it would be for you to figure out that being an adult doesn’t mean getting to do what you want but rather of lifetime of doing what needs to be done. Getting your way ends when you become a Mom.

As a Mom, you learn quickly (or should) that it’s not about you anymore. You are no longer the most important thing in your own life because your life now belongs to a tiny little person who depends on you to be smarter than they are, stronger than they are and to be the voice that defends them when they have no voice. It doesn’t just mean there’s this child who is cute and fun to play with that is along for whatever journey you decide to take because you feel like it. She is your journey now. Do you get that??

Do you remember how you felt when she rolled off the ottoman and you thought she might be hurt? I still feel that way every time you fall. That moment of panic when the only thought in your head is “Dear God please let her be alright”. I wish that you’d realize that when you dismiss my concerns as if they’re nothing and think I’m out of line and instead remember that when you’re hurt and you cry, I cry….

So yes, my Daughter I will forever keep my foot stuck in the door of your life, never allowing you to slam it shut. I will continue to tell you in no uncertain terms my opinions of your decisions, loudly and with no regrets. I will continue to be critical and judgmental of the people you allow into your life, and I won’t just smile and nod and pretend to feel anything other than what I truly feel because that’s how I love you. That’s how I Mother. Take it or leave it.

I pray, with all my heart that you always do the same for your Daughter. That you are fiercely protective and with your foot firmly in the door….

She’s just like you, and you are just like me….never let her bully you into backing down when it comes to being her Mom. She’ll try. Trust me…

I ask one favor: never, ever use her as a weapon against me. She’s going to need me. 

Love,

Mom

 

 

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12 thoughts on “A letter to my Daughter

  1. Grammy, this letter needs to be read by EVERY child who doesn’t understand why we mothers do what we do (which is every child in the world, I’m sure).

    By the end, I needed tissues; you struck so many of my heart strings.
    Just a few lines that really tugged at my heart:

    You didn’t come with instructions…
    As a Mom, you learn quickly (or should) that it’s not about you anymore.
    remember that when you’re hurt and you cry, I cry….
    So yes, my Daughter I will forever keep my foot stuck in the door of your life, never allowing you to slam it shut.
    I pray, with all my heart that you always do the same for your Daughter. That you are fiercely protective and with your foot firmly in the door….

    It’s a beautiful letter, Grammy. Thank you for sharing it.
    ((Hugs))

  2. Ok I have tears in my eyes now. Believe me having a mother who cares is better then having a mother who is jealous and has nothing nice to say and would rather hurt you then help guide you. Thats what I have and I have had to cut her out of my life so many times since having her in mine does more damage to me. I have had to go out and find a different mother to help be there for me when i need one. I never thought I would want to have parents in my life but at the age of 34 i still wish and hope i would have them just to feel like i belong some place.

    I hope things get worked out between you all.

  3. Love you, Lori. And I hope with all of my heart that she will not use Avery against you. Someday, she WILL understand where you’re coming from. Keeping you in my thoughts…

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it, the situation was just bothering me so bad I got out of bed at 4 that morning and just WROTE. Just poured everything out, and felt better afterward. Blogging is our therapy right??

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