Ok, y’all know I’ve had issues with my back in the last few weeks. And I’ve been a good girl and done everything the professionals have advised me to do, or not do as the case may be….
Medical Peep #1….the Chiropractor: Adjust, adjust, asjust. Align, align, align. Snap Crackle Pop. “I think you may have spinal arthritis, you should get a bone scan”.
Okey dokey, I’ll see my Primary Dr and ask her to order one of those…
Medical Peep #2…the Primary Care Physician: Hmmmm. “Well….does this hurt? Does that? Can you touch your toes? Can you touch your toes while balancing on one leg? Can you touch your toes while balancing on one leg and barking like a dog? No? Well let’s do the bone density scan and some xrays. And you need to start physical therapy”
Alrighty then. So I make an appointment with the physical therapist I’ve seen before for fibro issues.
We get the results from the scan and xrays: All normal….So the PCP orders an MRI. Thankfully. Because if she’d have gotten lazy and said “Oh well, it’s just your fibro acting up” I’d have had to stab her….
Have I ever mentioned my slight case of claustrophobia? No? Yeahhhhhh….
Medical Peep #3…The Physical Therapist. You have a “flared ribcage” let’s focus on strengthening that area. Here’s some exercises for you to do. No, they are NOT sit-ups. And while you’re doing them, try to focus on pulling that rib cage downward.
Ya know how some people can control a particular group of muscles and just flex that group? Yeah, I can’t do that. I think it goes along with my natural lack of anything remotely resembling a sense of rhythm. When I try to tighten my stomach to “pull my rib cage down” everything south of that flexes too. My toes curl. She kept saying things like “relax your spine, focus on lowering your belly button to the floor. Why are you stiffening your legs. Relax your legs. Focus on your rib cage. Relax your face” Can’t. One thing gets flexed they’re all getting flexed Lady. Take it or leave it. Also, I’m not a pretzel. Or Gumby.
So I go have the stupid MRI, which by the way is going to cost me slightly more than $1300 bucks as I haven’t met my deductible yet. Awesome. All I can say about the whole process is Thank God it only lasted 20 minutes because just as I was reaching for the panic button they started pulling me out of that cozy little coffin. Freaked me the hell out….
This evening the nurse at my PCP’s office called me to give me the MRI results: Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a herniated disk!” Oh joy. “And don’t do anymore physical therapy, you don’t want to put any undue strain on the disk. We’ll make an appointment for you at the Rehab Center as the next step before resorting to surgery”
But…..but…….YOU JUST TOLD ME LIKE 3 DAYS AGO THAT PHYSICAL THERAPY IS WHAT I NEEDED!
So now I’m awaiting an appointment at the Rehab Dr. And I haven’t a clue what that means except it sounds remarkably like a place where PHYSICAL THERAPY HAPPENS.
Somebody bring me wine…
To be continued….