A letter to my Daughter

You think I’m too judgemental. And I am. 

You think I’m too pushy and opinionated.  And I am.

You think your life would be easier if I would butt out.  It wouldn’t. 

You want me to smile, nod my head and keep quiet. I won’t. 

And here’s why….

Because I love you. 

Being judgemental, critical, pushy, opinionated, loud and in your business is part of being your Mom as it’s the only way I know how to Mother. It’s the way I’ve been your entire life and although some would say I did a lousy job, I’ve done the best I knew how. You didn’t come with instructions…

I’m sorry you didn’t get the kind of Mom who can just be quietly supportive, allowing you to make your own mistakes without trying to intervene. The kind that sighs with frustration rather than yell, the kind that patiently waits for you to discover the error of your young ways without trying to save you from a few errors because she’s been where you are and has already learned the lesson you haven’t learned yet.

But here’s the deal, I didn’t get the kind of Daughter that can learn from others mistakes without having to make them herself. The kind that will respectfully listen to reason and make a decision based on many factors rather than only impulse. The kind that has never, would never, look her parents in the eye and lie to them.

So we’re both far from the ideal and stuck with each other as we are. The only thing we can do now is to learn to accept each other, faults and all. I’m honestly not sure I have many more rescues left in me when you walk defiantly and purposefully into disaster with complete disregard for common sense because you want to. If I could change anything about you it would be for you to figure out that being an adult doesn’t mean getting to do what you want but rather of lifetime of doing what needs to be done. Getting your way ends when you become a Mom.

As a Mom, you learn quickly (or should) that it’s not about you anymore. You are no longer the most important thing in your own life because your life now belongs to a tiny little person who depends on you to be smarter than they are, stronger than they are and to be the voice that defends them when they have no voice. It doesn’t just mean there’s this child who is cute and fun to play with that is along for whatever journey you decide to take because you feel like it. She is your journey now. Do you get that??

Do you remember how you felt when she rolled off the ottoman and you thought she might be hurt? I still feel that way every time you fall. That moment of panic when the only thought in your head is “Dear God please let her be alright”. I wish that you’d realize that when you dismiss my concerns as if they’re nothing and think I’m out of line and instead remember that when you’re hurt and you cry, I cry….

So yes, my Daughter I will forever keep my foot stuck in the door of your life, never allowing you to slam it shut. I will continue to tell you in no uncertain terms my opinions of your decisions, loudly and with no regrets. I will continue to be critical and judgmental of the people you allow into your life, and I won’t just smile and nod and pretend to feel anything other than what I truly feel because that’s how I love you. That’s how I Mother. Take it or leave it.

I pray, with all my heart that you always do the same for your Daughter. That you are fiercely protective and with your foot firmly in the door….

She’s just like you, and you are just like me….never let her bully you into backing down when it comes to being her Mom. She’ll try. Trust me…

I ask one favor: never, ever use her as a weapon against me. She’s going to need me. 

Love,

Mom

 

 

And then the little Bitches took my money….

Anniversary weekend festivities, whoot!!!

I adore that feeling you get when you’re able to leave work early to go do something fun, like a little kid on a snow day!

The fun started with this:

New BLING! The Anniversary band I hinted about a couple years back to go with my wedding set! Totally didn’t see it coming!

Then this happened…

I’ve never wanted him more…

We had a great dinner and hit the casinos, he goes in one direction to find the Black Jack tables and I go another to find the penny slots, cuz I’m such a big-time gambler! I don’t get card games, too much math and thinking and having to remember crap in them for me….And I can play all night long on $20 bucks.

This is my “Yippee, I won a quarter” face….I’m easily entertained….

And lookie, see that 2463? That’s pennies y’all! Envy me….

Last year on our anniversary trip to Deadwood I won $100 bucks playing on a Sex In the City machine so this year I lurked around it playing other machines until the peeps playing on it finally left and then I pounced on it! And then the bitches promptly ate up 10 of my dollars so I dropped their NYC snooty asses…..

This is my “Gimme back my money” face….

I took my remaining $16.08 and called it a night.

Saturday morning we headed further up the Mountain to spend our second night at a little resort and do some snowmobiling. It was only our 2nd time on a snowmobile, our first was on our Honeymoon at Lake Tahoe 12 years ago…

This was the Lodge, is it friggin’ cute or what???

It was a gorgeous day, blue skies, not too cold (mid 30’s) and our first task was to get geared up which meant picking out helmets and a snowsuit for me. So the helmets…..We walk into this big equipment room and there’s all these helmets on shelves and I immediately go for a particular one, cuz it was pretty. Red with flame things on the sides.

Luke: Babe that looks kinda big, does it fit?

Me: Fit?? It’s pretty….

Luke: Put it on and shake your head.

Me: *sigh*

So I put it on and shake my head NO vigorously. The thing slides sideways so that my ear is sticking out the face hole and my nose is pressed against the side of the helmet where I can’t help but get a big whiff of the last person to rent it…

Luke: Want to try a smaller one?

Me: *sigh*

I ended up with a ugly yellow one that fit my head. Ugh. Also Blecht.

Off we go! The scenery is absolutely breathtaking….

And I married a Brat….This was the first time he pelted me with a snowball….

This was the second. And he has great aim, hit me right in the chest both times. I retaliated and I’d have totally nailed him in the kisser if he’s been standing 3 feet to the right. And was 2 feet shorter….

Here was my biggest problem with the helmet (beside it being ugly)…my camera body was bigger than the face opening on the helmet so I couldn’t get my eye to the viewfinder. And the Canon Rebel doesn’t allow you to focus thru the LCD screen which I don’t mind because I never do it that way anyhow. I like holding the camera up to my face and looking through the little eye hole….Couldn’t do it with the helmet on. And I like to take pictures on the fly when we’re out like that on the ATV, but this time all I could do was point it in what I hoped was the right direction and snap. So I got a lot of this:

Nice friggin’ tree huh??

We rode for about 4 1/2 hours and had an absolute blast! Luke was soooo sweet, he ignored his inner child who had to be screaming “go faster, go faster”  to minimize the impact on my back but I know there were times when it was hard for him to do! And we’ve decided to making snowmobiling part of every Anniversary getaway from now on. The Lodge staff was incredibly friendly and accommodating, it was truly a pleasure to stay with them.

We woke up Sunday morning to heavy snowfall and about 8 fresh inches of accumulations on the ground. For a minute I was gleefully hopeful we’d be snowed in for a day or 2 and avoid re-entering the real world….Alas, the snow was no match for my AWD Escape. Dammit….

Thanks for 12 happy years together Babe! I love ya…

PS…You totally rocked that Bullwinkle hat…

🙂

And then he stabbed a rather large needle in my spine…

Having a needle inserted into your spine is a strange sensation….

So here is what I hope is the Finale of “The Medical People Odyssey”

Medical person #4: The Rehab Doctor….Had my appointment with him on Wednesday. I wasn’t necessarily impressed with his demeanor, he’s one of those people that’s looking everywhere but AT YOU when talking to YOU. But, he came highly recommended so I didn’t throw his life sized spine model at him. We talked about my little herniation problem which he thankfully assured me was NOT surgical. Yay! He explained that the bulge was fairly small and if it were located further down my spine in the lumbar area it probably wouldn’t be causing me any problems, it was only because it was in the thoracic area where the bones are smaller and closer together that it was a concern. So he suggested treating it with steroid injections…

Like with  a needle…

In my spine…

**gulp**

Cue music from "Psycho".....

And it just so happened, he had an opening at 7:15 yesterday morning. Lucky me….

So Hubs drove me to the beautifully decorated Blacks Hills Surgical Center for my injection…Let me just say, if you have to have a needle shoved into your spine, this is the place to do it. They treat you like royalty, whether you are the patient or just the person there to help the patient. An impressive assortment of beverages, muffins, cookies, danishes, help yourself to whatever you’d like. I was too nervous to eat, but Hubby reported that the muffins were pretty darn tasty….

A sweet little nurse escorted me to the prep area, where she takes all my vitals, to confirm that I am in fact, alive. Offered me a warm blankie if I’m chilly, which, thanks to the rapid approach of menopause I never am. I. AM. HOT. ALWAYS….but it was a nice gesture. Then comes the remarkable joy of hooking up an IV for me. I have teensy, tiny, practically nonexistent veins. Here’s the good part though: she looks, peering intently at both my arms and hands and wholeheartedly agreed that indeed, I have crazy small veins. Told ya so….rather than try unsuccessfully to find one numerous times, she goes to get the lady that apparently is their Yoda of veins. She comes in, assesses the situation, murmurs Hmmmmm….and ahhummmmm alot and then says “Ok, here we go”. I focused on the Hippa policy sheet they’d given me and then Wahla, she’s done! The woman should be sainted….

Off to the procedure room we go. I’m concentrating on fluffy bunnies and decadent chocolate truffles, that amazing pistachio pasta dish I had in Sicily, rainbows and moonbeams, Thor, meadows, anything but where we’re going and what is going to happen  when we get there….

As I’m lying face down on the table, the Dr. explains the procedure to me while the nurse disinfects my back with water from a glacier. I’m truly not hearing him, I’m focusing on making the sound of his voice sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher, cuz the less I know about the procedure, the less vivid my mental picture of THAT NEEDLE will be….

You know how the Dr’s whack you with that rubber hammer in the knee to test your reflexes? And your leg jumps involuntarily? That’s what happened when he inserted that needle. Except it was the whole left side of my torso that jumped, and then continued to jerk and spasm until he was done. It was the single most strange sensation I’ve ever felt in my life….I really hope this one does the trick ‘cuz I don’t want to repeat the experience.

BUT….as they wheel me back to the prep room, the nurse was asking if I’d like a beverage (lists all the large variety of beverages they have) I decide on a coffee (duh) with cream and then she lists all the flavors of creamer they have. I choose hazelnut. She then offers me a snack (lists the dazzling area of edible treats they offer) I pass, cuz I’m feeling kinda woozy. She gets me comfy in the recliner with an ice pack on the insertion site and scampers off to do my bidding…Love that. I want a scampering minion to do my bidding all the time, not just when I’ve been tortured…

After the requisite amount of time on the ice pack, they take my vitals again, to make sure I’m still alive, help me change out of the lovely surgical gown and we go over my post procedure instructions. Take it easy. No exertion. Ice for 15 minutes every hour. Lying down is better than sitting up for the first 4 hours. No heat to the insertion site whatsoever for 24 hours. Gotcha. Lay on an icepack on my big ass for the rest of today. Done…

Oh, and they gave me a box of chocolate truffles as they took me out to the waiting room….Because they want me to feel better….

Because I was such a good girl and didn’t try to stab anybody, Hubs drove me thru Starbucks for a Chai latte. Chocolate truffles and Chai….Go me!

And now I’m following instructions, reclining in my bed. Confident that typing is not too much exertion….

They said it will take a couple of days for the medicine they injected to really take effect. So I’ll keep taking my pain meds and soldier on. Our 12th Anniversary is this weekend so Hubs and I are going to Deadwood for a little get-a-way. Staying Friday night at the infamous Hickok’s hotel, eating at an expensive restaurant, doing a little gambling. The Northern Hills are getting some fresh snow as we speak so on Saturday going for a snowmobile ride (which the Dr said was ok). We rented a 2 seater snowmobile, so Hubs will drive the thing and I’ll just hang off the back snap, snap, snapping pictures. It’s a much needed little trip and we’re really looking forward to it….

Let me just say THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH for all the well wishes and prayers from you Peeps. Your concern makes my heart smile…To fully express how touching the warm wishes for a fast recovery were, I’m sharing a very personal photo of myself…

I really feel we'll be even closer now that you've seen another side of me....

Sorry, did that not make up for the scary Dr. picture?? Ok, then here’s another one sure to make YOUR hearts smile…

 

Thank you!

Enjoy your weekend, and look for snowy mountain photos coming soon!

🙂

Dear Medical People: Make up my mind already would ya??

Ok, y’all know I’ve had issues with my back in the last few weeks. And I’ve been a good girl and done everything the professionals have advised me to do, or not do as the case may be….

Medical Peep #1….the Chiropractor: Adjust, adjust, asjust. Align, align, align. Snap Crackle Pop. “I think you may have spinal arthritis, you should get a bone scan”.

Okey dokey, I’ll see my Primary Dr and ask her to order one of those…

Medical Peep #2…the Primary Care Physician: Hmmmm. “Well….does this hurt? Does that? Can you touch your toes? Can you touch your toes while balancing on one leg? Can you touch your toes while balancing on one leg and barking like a dog? No? Well let’s do the bone density scan and some xrays. And you need to start physical therapy”

Alrighty then. So I make an appointment with the physical therapist I’ve seen before for fibro issues.

We get the results from the scan and xrays: All normal….So the PCP orders an MRI. Thankfully. Because if she’d have gotten lazy and said “Oh well, it’s just your fibro acting up” I’d have had to stab her….

Have I ever mentioned my slight case of claustrophobia? No? Yeahhhhhh….

Medical Peep #3…The Physical Therapist. You have a “flared ribcage” let’s focus on strengthening that area. Here’s some exercises for you to do. No, they are NOT sit-ups. And while you’re doing them, try to focus on pulling that rib cage downward.

Ohhkayyyy….

Ya know how some people can control a particular group of muscles and just flex that group? Yeah, I can’t do that. I think it goes along with my natural lack of anything remotely resembling a sense of rhythm. When I try to tighten my stomach to “pull my rib cage down” everything south of that flexes too. My toes curl. She kept saying things like “relax your spine, focus on lowering your belly button to the floor. Why are you stiffening your legs. Relax your legs. Focus on your rib cage. Relax your face”  Can’t. One thing gets flexed they’re all getting flexed Lady. Take it or leave it.  Also, I’m not a pretzel. Or Gumby.

So I go have the stupid MRI, which by the way is going to cost me slightly more than $1300 bucks as I haven’t met my deductible yet. Awesome. All I can say about the whole process is Thank God it only lasted 20 minutes because just as I was reaching for the panic button they started pulling me out of that cozy little coffin. Freaked me the hell out….

This evening the nurse at my PCP’s office called me  to give me the MRI results: Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a herniated disk!” Oh joy. “And don’t do anymore physical therapy, you don’t want to put any undue strain on the disk. We’ll make an appointment for you at the Rehab Center as the next step before resorting to surgery”

But…..but…….YOU JUST TOLD ME LIKE 3 DAYS AGO THAT PHYSICAL THERAPY IS WHAT I NEEDED!

Oy….

So now I’m awaiting an appointment at the Rehab Dr. And I haven’t a clue what that means except it sounds remarkably like a place where PHYSICAL THERAPY HAPPENS.

Somebody bring me wine…

So which one of you morons are going to cure me of this??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued….

🙂

I got shenked. But not shanked.

My friend Pamela shenked my ass.

It’s another blog chain thing. this time I’m supposed to post 11 top secret things about my self, which I’m not sure I can do as I already wrote a whole post and spilled out all my guts but I’ll give it a shot. Then I’m supposed to answer 11 questions that Pam compliled, then I’m supposed to come up with 11 questions for 11 other bloggers to answer. ‘Cept I’m not doing it that way….cuz I don’t wanna!

Let’s start with Pam’s queries:

1. What is your astrological sign? Cancer
2. What state do you live in? Would you rather live in a different state? South Dakota, aka South Dizzle. And no, I don’t want to live anywhere else, love it here!
3. What is YOUR favorite automobile? 1964 1/2 Mustang. Period.
4. What would you do if your blog became VERY popular? SCREAM. And then quit my job because in my head, popular blog = wildly financially successful blog = a book deal = NY Times bestseller = move-the-hell-over-ms-evanovich-here-I-come…. 
5. What’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone? Their smile, more specifically their teeth. Probably ‘cuz mine are crooked and I’m self conscientious about it. 
6. Do you think Americans are over-medicated now-a-days? My motto is “bring on the drugs”, I’m not a fan of suffering when I can prevent it.
7. What was the best piece of advice you ever received? Never drink vanilla straight out of the bottle. 
8. What is your dream job? In MY dream there is NO job. 
9. Who is your favorite actor/actress? Diane Keaton
10. What is your favorite movie? It’s A Wonderful Life. Shut up!
11. What type of books do you like to read? Anything but self-help books or Harlequin type romances. 

Hmmmm….11 personal things about myself….seems a bit redundant as I just answered 11 highly personal questions on that very subject but in the spirit of being a good sport I’ll do it. You’ll know I got nuthin’ left when they start getting really stupid, like telling my favorite KoolAid flavor….

1.  I was born with a mole aka beauty mark on my upper lip. When I was 7 my Mom decided to have it removed as she was afraid it would get freakishly big and witch-like with hairs sprouting from it. It came back and brought 5 of it’s friends, giving me a little circle of moles on my lip. All of them hairless, Thanks Mom. 

2. I’m a coffee snob. I prefer freshly ground beans and brewed in a french press with half and half, no sugar. Powdered creamer is the work of Satan. *shudder*  In a perfect world it would be served to me whilst sitting in a charming little piazza in Sicily…I still mourn the death of my beloved espresso machine.

3. Speaking of Beloved, I met the Hubs over the phone. And I’m 12 years older than him…

4. I like kittens, but not so much cats.

5. I once spent an entire afternoon with cow manure drying on my face. On purpose. 

6. I’m not afraid of heights, I’m afraid of falling from high places. There’s a difference…

7. I flew an airplane when I was 4.

8. I watched an airplane crash in my field when I was 10.

9. My Dad was a professional pilot.

10. I can tell you the history of almost every antique canning jar known to exist, as long as you give me time to look it up in one of the reference books my Mom wrote.

11. Green. I like the green KoolAid. Green is also my favorite popsicle flavor.

And now 11 questions for y’all to answer, as all the bloggers I would tag in this chain have already been tagged. Copy/Paste them and your answers in a comment…

Mwah. Ha. Ha….

  • 1. What is your favorite KoolAid flavor and why?
  • 2. Have you ever had a fart escape against your will in public? How do you handle it?
  • 3. Which of the 4  Stooges do you most closely resemble?
  • 4. Boob Jobs…For or Against?
  • 5. Dogs or Cats?
  • 6. What quality must anyone trying to be your BFF possess?
  • 7. What’s your favorite thing about me? (Lie if you have to dammit, I need an ego boost)
  • 8. Name the most random place you’ve…ya know…..kanoodled.
  • 9. You’ve dialed the wrong number. Do you hang up, or apologize?
  • 10. Mushrooms. Yum or Yuck?
  • 11. If money were no object, where would you go to vacation?

GO!

🙂