I have issues. You’re shocked right?? ‘Cuz I seem so well adjusted…..
So when I’m done baring my soul here, y’all are gonna reciprocate OK? You can’t leave me hanging….
My list of weird, bizarre and probably not uncommon issues. (I tell myself they’re not uncommon to make myself feel less weird)
1. I hate the thought of someone hearing me poop. If I absolutely must poop in public, I will flush repeatedly if someone else is in the next stall. Even at home I turn the exhaust fan on to muffle the pooping sound.
2. I can’t stand that God Awful phlegmy noise that’s made when someone is hawking up a lougie…makes me cringe.
3. I cannot sleep on an unmade bed. If the sheets are all wadded up and wrinkly it makes me nuts.
4. I will get the most ridiculous case of vertigo while standing on a foot bridge only 2 feet off the ground.
5. I’m scared of old people. They creep me out a little and make me nervous….and yes I am aware I will be one in a few short years. I never said anything on this list made sense….
6. I’m shy. I cover this with sarcasm and jokes when I have to meet new people.
7. I’m terrified of birds. Any birds….
8. I shave my legs every other day for my Aqua Zumba classes, but rarely remember to shave under my arms…
9. If I can manage to never change out of pajamas for the entire weekend I am a happy woman.
10. I dream of being a hermit…
11. The older I get the less Christmas spirit I have….
12. I rarely eat vegetables….it’s not that I don’t like them I just forget about them.
13. I love any kind of pasta sauce containing tomatoes. Love sun dried tomatoes, fried green tomatoes. However, You couldn’t pay me to eat a raw tomato….
14. In my head I’m a fabulous singer and dancer. I got skilz….not so much in person but it doesn’t stop me from serenading you in my car or shaking my money maker on a dance floor….go figure.
15. I have a skewed perception of my size. I see other people my size and think they’re fat. I look in the mirror and don’t see my own fat….makes it hard to be motivated to stop eating junk food. It’s like anorexia in reverse.
16. I’m a compulsive shopper. Then I feel guilty for spending the money and take the shit back….I do this frequently.
17. I was once arrested for shoplifting. In my 20’s….not my proudest moment.
18. If I find a stray pin feather on a piece of raw chicken that I’m prepping to cook I throw the whole piece away. That feather creeps me the hell out….I think it’s because of #7.
19. If I spot someone I know at the store, even if they are in the isle I need stuff from I will avoid that isle like the plague. I’m becoming anti-social…
20. Sometimes I forget stuff. Stuff like what I’m supposed to do at a traffic light Or a one-way street…
OK, your turn!