2012 will be the year Peanut learns her first word. Lord help us….
Please let it be something sweet like “Grammy” “Mommy” “Poppa” “uh oh” or “Hi”…..
Being a realist, I’m afraid it will more likely be “Fuckshitmotherfuckersonofabitchcocksmokersuckitwhatthefuckingfuckhelldamn”.
Or something similiar.
I married a sailor. I gave birth to a sailor (not the same sailor) who also married a sailor. My Grandfather liberally peppered his speech with words so colorful that I was fascinated as a child. LibErAlly. This family has some vocabulary y’all! Profanity is in our blood….
I figure we have about 4-6 months to change our speech patterns. Oy. Effin’. Vey….
I’m trying to come up with some satisfying alternative words, cuz sometime it’s all about how a word makes you feel when you say it that’s important…here’s what I have so far:
- Fuzzle/Muffin Fuzzle….As in: “Fuzzle me? No, fuzzle you!” “What the fuzzy fuzzle??” “Ahhhhhh Fuzz it” “Listen Muffin Fuzzle….”
- Shizznit…”Ouch! Shizznit that hurt!” “Shizznit happens” “Man, I stepped in shizzy pile of shizznit…”
- Dabbit/Gad dabbit….”Dabbit all to heck”, “Gad dabbit, get the fuzzle outta the way!” “Dabbit *insert name*, take out the gad dab trash for the love of Gadsby!”
- Cursed Monkey Pants….This one is destined to be my new favorite because I’m pretty sure there’s no come back for it….”Oh cursed monkey pants you muffin fuzzle!!”
- Fargin icehole…”That fargin icehole cut me the fuzzle off!” “You fargin icehole, shut your shizznit hole”
- Crap on a cracker….although Crap is probably bad too….I’m getting desperate. But I do actually use this one and it’s fairly satisfying. “CRAP ON A CRACKER!”
- Poop knuckle….See? I’m reaching here cuz I really don’t think the baby should say poop unless she needs to, ya know…Poop. But I think this one could be pretty versatile. It could be a noun: “Hey, Poop Knuckle!” An adjective: “Wow, what a poop knuckle” A verb: “He really poop knuckled that didn’t he?”
- Horse Pucky…been saying this for years, I think my Sister-in-Law used to say it. “You’re so full of horse pucky…”
- Nottafinga (which is of course from “A Christmas Story”) But it rolls so smoothly off the tongue….
I’m also contemplating the use of a swear-jar, but honestly not sure if Poppa can afford it. Football season alone would pay for a years tuition to a pretty darn good college….Anyone know where I can get an empty 55 gallon drum and a fork lift??