Epic, just friggin epic…

Every trip she makes home, I steal Chef Vivi away for some Me time. Every time it’s a silly, spontaneous giggle-fest…

This time it was Epic….

Went something like this:

4:00 P.M. – Leave work a little early (YAY!) text her I’m on my way home, slow down to 25 m.p.h. at the curb in front of the house so she can jump in…..we got stuff to do y’all…

4:30 to 6:15 P.M. – Go to 4 different furniture stores looking for a new arm chair/ottoman for me. Buy one I found at the first store we looked at…oy.

6:30 – SUSHI!!!

7:15 – Decide we’ll kill some of the 2 hours until our movie starts by heading to Hobby Lobby. I have Avery pictures I need frames for….

7:30 – Arrive Hobby Lobby, discover they close in 30 minutes! I’m skeptical but Viv assures me thirty minutes is plenty of time to find everything I need to bring this vague idea I have for displaying massive amounts of framed baby and wedding pictures on my limited wall space to fruition.

I need heavy weight ribbon in various widths, do you know how many rolls of ribbon Hobby Lobby has?? About 7000. As the store is announcing “HOBBY LOBBY SHOPPERS, THE STORE WILL BE CLOSING IN 20 MINUTES” I narrow my choices down to 400. “HOBBY LOBBY SHOPPERS, THE FRIGGIN STORE WILL BE CLOSING IN 15 MINUTES”, I narrow it down to 5 and run (literally) across the store for some kind of shelf/hanging thingy that I only have a mental picture of. “HOBBY LOBBY SHOPPERS, GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT. THIS JOINT IS CLOSING IN 10 EFFIN’ MINUTES”. My incredibly brilliant child, finds exactly what I need and we throw 2 in the cart as I scream in terrified panic “Frames!!!! I NEED FRAMES!!!We sprint over to the frames section where they have 568,7564,764 frames to choose from. Oy…..”HOBBY LOBBY SHOPPERS, WE’RE CLOSING IN 5 FRIKKIN MINUTES IF WE HAVE TO DRAG YOUR ASSES OUT THE DAMN DOOR. GET THE HELL OUT. WE’VE BEEN HERE 12 STINKING HOURS AND WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME BITCHES!!!!” I yell “I need one 8×10 and two 5×7’s GO!” “this one??” as she holds a frame above her head so I can see from 3 isles over….”ummmm no, not quite right” “this ONE??” “YES, GET TWO!”

7:59.9999999 P.M. – I throw a sufficient amount of money at the weary cashier and happily mosey to the car with exactly what I envisioned in my head. ThankyouverymuchMr.pushyhobbylobbyannouncerdude.

Still have an hour to kill so to the mall we go, ‘cuz it’s right next door….To window shop. On Friday night. On Christmas Eve Eve Friday night. ‘Cuz clearly I have lost my damn mind.

8:15 P.M. – Enter Claire’s, where we meet the epic, most amazingly coiffed, totally spectacular young man named Andre….He works there. He’s had a bad night, but makes a valiant effort to greet us pleasantly anyway. I politely respond “we’re good thank you, how are you?” And he proceeds to tell us about his completely unsatisfying night of catching shoplifters. Andre needed to vent y’all and we have those kind of faces that say “I care”….

And this happened:


Then we actually purchased some stuff and this happened:

Andre Honey, YOU ARE EPIC! As is your hair, whom we have dubbed “Rupert”.

 8:45 P.M. – Leave the Mall with a warm fuzzy place in our hearts, and some randomly unnecessary purchases…




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