I’ve heard rumors that there are those who don’t believe in Santa….I heard it from a totally reliable source. Bambi….Tell me how you can’t trust and believe everything you hear from a girl named Bambi? You can’t…
I’m astonished. Flabbergasted. Astounded. Bewildered.
What I’m not however, is rendered speechless…cuz ya’ll know that never happens!
How to prove to the dummies who don’t believe in Santa that they’re WRONG.
1. Hello??? The effing Post Office delivers letters to him yo.
2. The reason Santa can visit as many children as he pleases in as short a time as is convenient, (barring any mid-air reindeer pile-ups) is ‘cuz he’s a Macroscopic Quantum Object. Duh.
3. You want proof that elves make all the toys? Ever looked at the screws holding those toys together?? Only tiny little people could make screws that small and require us to buy teensy little screwdrivers.
4. The reason you never saw Santa when you waited up all night for him is because Santa’s relativity cloud brings him to our house in milliseconds; he moves so fast that it is impossible to see him. Similar to a way a bumble bee buzzes by.
5. The doubters say “No way a fat guy could fit down the chimney, especially one with a fire in it.” Using this same relativity cloud, Santa probably also shrinks and expands the cloud, so he can enter houses through tiny openings. This means he can come down the chimney, through a keyhole, or a mail slot.
Santa’s scientific ya’ll…didn’t know that did ya?
6. Here’s a copy of his DL…everybody know’s how crazy difficult it is to get a Driver’s License these days.
So there you have it. You can’t argue with proof from the DMV!
Repeat after me “I believe, I believe, I EFFIN’ BELIEVE ALREADY”