And then people will think Elves threw up on your house…

This is another blog suggestion from a loyal reader, Avery’s Mom!

We subscribe to the “more is better” philosophy of Christmas decorating. No wimpy little tree with one strand of lights and some colored balls on it for this family. Oh hells no…

THIS does not happen. EVER.

Go big or go home, that’s how we roll….

****WAIT!!! DISCLAIMER!****

Ok, I have a confession to make. Don’t judge me ok?

I started this draft like 2 weeks ago. I had it all done, was just waiting to pull all the totes full of decor out of the stairwell so I could take a picture of them as I’d left a space for it below….

Then Britt got sick and spent the night in the E.R. so Poppa and I had Miss Avery for a couple of days. Have I mentioned that Avery is getting colicky or something? The last week or so she’s been uber fussy. Needless to say, no Christmas decorating has gotten done. None. Zilch. Nada…And 90% of my blog posts for the last week and a half were written way beforehand, I haven’t actually written anything new in days and days….

Last night, I did however wrap all the gifts….that’s progress right??

Chalk this up to “Do as I say, not as I do”.

****CONTINUE READING AS IF I HADN’T INTERRUPTED WITH THE UGLY TRUTH***.

 

This picture is of the boxes of Christmas crap we have to put up ’round here…be dazzled and amazed…

THESE ARE NOT OUR BOXES. THIS IS A PICTURE I PULLED OFF THE INTERNET BECAUSE I'M A LAZY SLUG. OUR ACTUAL BOXES ARE RUBBERMAID TOTES CUZ THEY'RE BETTER. I'D PROVE IT TO YOU IF MINE WEREN'T STILL IN STORAGE UNDER THE STAIRS...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or shocked and appalled. Whatever…

100 lights for every foot of tree, that’s the rule. If you can actually see glimpses of tree peeking out from around the ornaments, you need to buy more ornaments. Loaded to the point of possible collapse of the tree is the effect we’re going for here…

He has the right idea, just poorly executed.

 

 I would die a happy woman if I could actually get an airplane to mistake all the lights for an airstrip and try to land in my yard.

Now, pack up all the normal, tasteful wall decor that you enjoy the rest of the year and plaster your walls with every piece of tacky Christmas kitsch you’ve lovingly collected over the last 30 years. VERY IMPORTANT: Do not forget the window sills, door frames and staircases! Those are prime locations for draping fake evergreen garland and then hanging yet more ornaments, light and other crap. Do not skimp on this step…

This is a valiant effort, but you can still see actual tree poking thru. Needs more ornaments....

Next, sweep all knicknacks, flower arrangement and other table decor cluttering up your tabletops and countertops, and tops of cabinets into boxes and replace them with a wide assortment of Santa and Snowmen figurines and silly animated treasures that are sure to drive you to brink of insanity if anyone ever presses the power button on all of them simultaneously.

Laugh maniaclly when someone suggests that you might possibly be overdoing it. Remind them that you know where they sleep.

Her family only mentioned the possibility of a few too many lights...

If you are left with any available wall, table, doorway or counterspace void of Christmas decor, you clearly need to go buy more. I highly recommend Hobby Lobby….

After all your hard work, sit back and just look around you and revel at the miracle of Christmas-time cheer you have created in a mere 2 days, and enjoy a nice bottle of wine. Or 10…

And try really, really hard not to get comepletely sick of it all after the first week….

Most importantly, ACTUALLY PUT THE STUFF UP!!!!

I’m such a slug.

🙂

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6 thoughts on “And then people will think Elves threw up on your house…

  1. I hope Britt’s feeling better! And thank you so much for taking a moment to stop by my blog earlier — when you must have been frazzled between having a sick daughter and a colicky Avery!

    You’re way ahead of me in the decorating department. We moved from our big farmhouse to a mobile home and our tree does not fit anywhere! Sob! I pulled out one of Ed’s family menorahs and the candles and I ran lights around our little back porch as well as hanging the western themed wreath our friends back home made us a few years go. I think that’s going to have to be it for us this year. Sigh.

  2. I sure hope that both Britt and Avery are feeling better.

    If it weren’t so much durned work, I’d go the same route with my decorating, but I am a lazy, lazy person…I LOVE Christmas decor, as long as I don’t have to do it.

    Hope you get it done to your satisfaction!

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