And this is why you should NEVER go to the mall…

I’ve been saying for years: The damn Mall is the DEVIL.

And I was right… says so!

The absolute most disgustingly nasty places in Satan’s Playground (the mall)

1. The restroom sinks. The filthiest area in a restroom is the sink, experts say. Bacteria, including E. coli, fester on the faucet and handles because people touch those surfaces right after using the toilet. Watch out for soap dispensers, too. So washing our hands after going potty is a dangerous thing??? I say just effin hold it til you get home. Or somewhere cleaner, like the gas station.

2. The food court tables. Even if you see a janitor wiping them down, how do you know if the rag he uses is clean? He may have been using the same one ALL DAY. Ew. The only good thing about the mall was eating the junk food. Now that perk has been taken away…dammit.

You just know hygeine his is #1 priority...

3. The escalator handrails. We don’t have this issue at our teensy little small town mall ‘cuz we don’t have an escalator. However, if you have one in your bigtime mall, just know they found food, E. coli, urine, mucus, feces, and blood on escalator handrails. I’m thinking falling down the thing would be safer than holding onto that rail. Wear thick clothes for paddin just in case.

4. ATM keypads. After testing 38 ATMs researchers found that each key contained an average of 1,200 germs, including illness-inducing microbes like E. coli and cold and flu viruses. The worst key of all? The “enter” button. I’m willing to bet money this also applies to the credit card swiper machine at the checkout. Which means we should just ban Christmas altogether huh? Or pay in cash that you get from a bank teller after you politely ask her to use some hand sanitizer. Of course we all know how filthy money is so….yep, we’re back to banning Christmas.

5. Toy Stores. Well duh. Shopping any place those little Rugrats touch stuff is like asking to get the flu. Kids hands are probably worse than the public bathrooms.

I'm SURE he washed his hands after this...

6. The fitting rooms. You won’t pick up much from the hooks or the chair. The germ culprit? What you try on. After people try on clothing, skin cells and perspiration can accumulate on the inside and both can serve as food for bacterial growth. Also why I refuse to wear clothes ’til I’ve washed them 9 times. No I’m not OCD? Why do you ask??

7. Gadget stores. While you’re playing around on that new smartphone, you could be picking up germs from the thousand people who tested it out before you. Smartphones will kill you….

8. The makeup sample counter. One study found that between 67 and 100% of makeup-counter testers were contaminated with bacteria, including staph, strep, and E. coli. This study shows us that some sicko went to the bathroom, didn’t wash their hands, and then stuck their finger in the sample. Awesome. I’ve never been more happy about my decision to stop wearing make-up. Let’s all go au naturale! No? Then just buy the stuff and skip the whole “try before you buy thing” a drawer full of makeup you hate is better than contracting the Plague.

This was the last person sampling the makeup. You make the call...

So there you have it, proof that nothing good can come from going to Lucifer’s Den. I love it when I’m proven right!



2 thoughts on “And this is why you should NEVER go to the mall…

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