How to be a Buttinski Grandparent in 15 easy steps…

My Peanut is a month old today and I’m still trying to get a handle on this Grandparenting thing, but I have already discovered a couple of hard, fast rules…

Butt out. (Not a fan)

Buy stuff. (I’m already an expert at this one, go me)

Babysit. (This one is my fav)

I figure Avery needs somebody who’s only concern is her. I have no agenda other than a happy, healthy Grandbaby. Like it or not.

 Never fear Peanut, Grammy’s got your back…

So here’s my list of stuff I’m allowed to be picky about and have an opinion on:

Stuff Grammy ain’t butting out about.

1. Daycare providers. Grammy will have veto power Thankyouverymuch.

2. Anyone she’s going to be spending a significant amount of time with.  I’m going to need references and a background check. Or I’ll babysit…

3. Any place where she will be spending the night. An inspection by Grammy needs to happen. Or I’ll gladly babysit instead…

4. Any vehicles she may be riding in regularly. Provide license and proof of insurance please. I can babysit…

5. Smoking around the baby. Ain’t happening. I smell smoke on the baby and somebody’s getting an ass whooping.

I’m not even kidding about that last one…


And here are some issues that I can be flexible about:

Stuff Grammy will let you win on.

1. Diapers. As long as they don’t allow oozing poo, I have no opinion.

2. Clothes. Until she’s older and then I reserve the right to develop an opinion.

3. How she wears her hair. It’s just hair it’ll grow. Remind me I said that when she’s 15 and shaves satanic symbols onto her scalp.

4. Schools. As long as she attends one. Minimal thug infestations preferred.

5. Food. She’s my Granddaughter, she’s not going to let anyone starve her. If she’s picky she’ll fit right in with her Poppa. And her Uncle Dan.

There’s also a few things we can discuss:

Stuff open for negotiation.

 1. Ear piercing. Babies in earrings is not my favorite thing, I think it should be a personal decision made by her when she’s older but whatever…You’re the one that will have to deal with the infections, ripped lobes and lost earrings. As for any OTHER piercings: No. Just No.

2. Extracurricular activities. She doesn’t need to do EVERYTHING. Concentrate on 1 or 2 that she’s really interested in. Otherwise Grammy will be at some event or another every single night of the week and I’ll get super grumpy from being worn out. Just trying to do everyone a favor here…

3. What kind of car I buy her. Poppa actually has the say-so on this one.

4. At what age she can date. Poppa, his shotgun, Uncle Dan and his whacking sticks have veto power.

5. What breed of puppy she gets. I’m totally open to suggestion, ‘cuz I’m all flexible like that…



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