I know some goofy people…

Here’s a few snippets of fully random and slightly disturbing conversations I’ve had this week:

Bambi: I’m at the OBGYN’s office, this girl said it looks like a Turkey, bwahahahahahahaha!

Me: Excuse me???

Bambi: A vagina! She saw a diagram and said it looks like a turkey!

Me: I was afraid that’s what you meant. And now Thanksgiving will never be the same for me. Thanks…


Chef Vivi: Your soon-to-be-son-in-law is mean to me…

Me: Elaborate please…

Chef Vivi: Ok, ya know how I’m being graded tomorrow on the egg flipping thing? Well he wanted to try, and he did it on his first try! So not right…

Me: It’s a wrist thing. Men naturally have stronger wrists because they use them more often,  you know…

Chef Vivi: Yep, now it makes sense.

Me: Tell him if he doesn’t stop showing off with the eggs he’s gonna get a lot more practice with the wrist thing….if he keeps it up then spit in his oatmeal in the morning. He’ll never know and you’ll feel better! Or go with option B) hold his pillow over his face when he’s sleeping til he starts to sputter, then turn over real quick and pretend his thrashing around woke you up.. Maybe mutter something like “huh??? WHA???” to throw off suspicion…

Chef Vivi: Thank you for the sound marital advice…

And then there was:

Red: So I’m in the Hilton at Universal studios and there’s a porn studio near by…

Me: Nice of them to make it so convenient for you…

Red: Right??

Me: Let me know when the release date of your new flick is…

Red: We need to come up with a title…

Me: Oh the possibilities….

Red: I know!

Me: “Red Does Disney since Minnie’s a Slut”

Red: Hmmmmmm…..

Me: “Hollywood Ho’s Learn New Tricks from a Pro”

Red: Who you callin’ a Ho??

Me: “Memphis Makes Disney Her Bitch”

Red: YES!!

Me: Glad I could help….

And people wonder why I’m a nut job….or maybe they don’t…



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