Or maybe you can….

How much truth is too much? Example:

Neighbor: So how do you like my new hair? Honestly…


Me: Honestly??? It looks like your cat slept on your head and woke up pissed off…

And now I’m an asshole….because it was too much truth. She’d have felt better if I’d lied, told a fiblet if you will:

Neighbor: So how do you like my new hair? Honestly…

Me: Oh you’re gawjuss, Jennifer Anniston’s got nothin’ on you!

And now she loves me, and will walk around with a big silly grin all day picturing herself married to, and eventually dumped by, Brad Pitt…

Here’s another:

Co-worker: Hey there, how are you this morning?

Me: I’m PMS’ing like a mo’fo’…I’m bitchy, bloated and I couldn’t button my pants this morning thankyouverymuch…

Again, too much truth. And now I’m the office psycho….

Should have just been polite and answered with the standard “good thank you, and you?”

Want one more?

Friend: Ok, don’t you think my new boyfriend’s great?? I mean, he’s great right??

Me: Actually, right before dinner I caught him picking his nose. Plus I heard him ask the waitress if the (chicken) breasts were plump and juicy, *wink, wink* which puts him squarely in the Douche Canoe category…

Friend: Great….go to the bathroom and sneak out the back so he gets stuck with the check??

Me: Meet ya at the car…

So ok, here I’m a hero because my friend could handle the truth but it could have gone like this:

Friend: Ok, don’t you think my new boyfriend’s great?? I mean, he’s great right??

Me: Ummmm, well……I’m pretty sure he was hitting on the waitress…

Friend: You never want me to be happy…*sobbbbb* you’re just jealous… *sniffle* and *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* We’re leaving!!  *hiccup*  

Summary: I was honest, got stuck buying their over priced dinners, plus now my friend’s not speaking to me and I since I rode with them to the restaurant I have to call a cab for a ride home. Epic.

Are there times when it’s better to tell the tiniest little white lie?? And for the record, I would always tell a friend, close or casual, if her new man was a scum bag. Even if she hates me for it…She’ll figure it out eventually and then be all like “Chickie, I shoulda listened…my bad. Buy you an ice cream?”

How many people are 100% honest 100% of the time? Anyone know?

Maybe the answer depends on the question…”Do these pants make my butt look big?” should be answered in a way that doesn’t crush the spirit of the girl asking the question…but “Do you think my girlfriends a slutty no-no?” should be answered truthfully (as long as you are sure of the truth and not basing it on rumors some other slutty no-no told so-in-so) to avoid your friend having a broken heart and crying himself to sleep on your couch every night for a month…

What are your thoughts on the subject? Answer honestly! I can take it….I think….maybe.


p.s. These are all hypothetical examples I made up in the dark, scary place that is my head…any resemblance to any persons living or dead is merely coincidental. I swear!!!


2 thoughts on “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!

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